


a horrid tale

by laurenkmyers



Series: Ballum drabbles or codas [8]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Funny, Gossip, Hilarious, M/M, birds and the bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenkmyers/pseuds/laurenkmyers
Summary: Ben realises he knows a lot more than he’s letting on about the Phil/Kat scene from earlier, and he gets himself into a bit of a pickle over it.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum drabbles or codas [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833373
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	a horrid tale

**Author's Note:**

> it’s missing ben and callum hour, so I decided to do a little coda ficlet for tonight. (23/02/2021)

“I think my dad’s shagging Kat Slater.” Ben blurts out the moment he steps through the door and into the living room. He searches for Callum immediately to see his reaction, hoping it’s just as disgusted as his was when he realised the truth.

Callum turns dramatically from his position and then, just as luck would have it, Lexi’s little head pops out from behind Callum’s broad frame. She smiles up at him with a confused look on her face. 

“What’s shagging?” She asks, completely innocently. It’s a word Ben never wants to hear his baby girl say ever, ever again.

Ben sees it before it happens, can feel the rumbling in his man’s chest as the laughter bursts its way out. It’s unstoppable. He glares at his (adorable) fiancé with a look that screams ‘ _help me_ ’ as he struggles desperately to come up with a logical enough answer that madam will one, understand, but two, doesn’t warrant any further explanations about the bloody birds and the bees.

When Callum continues to laugh Ben ends up smacking him lightly on the shoulder to get him to stop, but all that does is prompt more laughter.

“I’ll leave that one to you, babe.” Callum chuckles wiping at the tear that drips down his cheek. Ben watches Callum stand and walk into the kitchen still giggling away. _Traitor._

“Well…” Lexi prompts, hands firmly on her hips.

Ben stumbles to find the right words as a blaze of flush burns below the surface of his skin. He never expected to be having this conversation so early into fatherhood, yet here he is…and it’s entirely his own fault.

“It’s…uh- um, I mean… It’s when people are going out… on dates and stuff, and having a good time… with someone that they like, and they _get close_.” Ben finishes ridiculously. He watches the _terrible_ explanation fall over Lexi’s face, waits for her to ask him to explain more, waits and waits, when eventually all she does is nod her head at him like she’s just discovered the wonders of the universe.

“Okay, I get it. Thanks dad.” 

And that’s it. She goes back to her drawing and barely looks up at him again.

As first attempts at _the talk_ go, Ben thinks that didn’t go _terribly_. Callum doesn’t agree, of course, shaking his head with a smile as bright as the sun that still lights his face. It’s cute to note that the tips of his ears are a little red, though.

Eventually, Lexi goes up to her bedroom to put her new drawing up on her wall and Callum leans into Ben, buzzing about something.

“So what makes you think your dad and Kat Slater are getting it on then?” He giggles into his hand, like the thought is _amusing_ and not the worst thing he’s ever heard.

Ben groans audibly at the reminder, his whole body wracks with shivers (and definitely not the good kind.)

“I came home earlier and they both looked shifty as hell. Her lippy was smeared across her face for one, and dad looked far too bloody smug for it to have just been a quick social call. He denied it when I asked, but he ain’t that subtle.” Ben can’t stop the vivid imagery attacking his brain, his mind betraying him in every which way as he thinks about it too hard. It forces him up and off the sofa like the retched thing is to blame.

“You don’t think they’ve done it on ‘ere, do ya?” Ben asks, brow furrowing and disgust ripe in voice.

Even Callum has the foresight to react accordingly to that. He also jumps off the sofa as if he’s been burned and his body twitches away from the idea.

But just as the two of them are about to continue their horrid tale, Lexi comes bounding down the stairs and the front door slams open revealing a smiling Lola.

“Hey mummy!” Lexi yells excitedly, “Are you and Isaac shagging?” She screams a little too loudly.

Isaac, who is still at the door after saying goodnight, turns to address the comment when Lola promptly slams the door in his face with a quick ‘ _sorry’_. She turns her attention to the chuckling men in her living room.

“BEN MITCHELL! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING OUR DAUGHTER?!”

But all that can be heard are the sniggers of Ben and Callum as they run clumsily up the stairs and away from the inevitable storm of Lola Pearce’s fury.


End file.
